Some days, I don’t feel Christian enough
Some days, I feel like a stain on God’s white. I take some decisions and then ask myself, “And you call yourself a Christian?”
On some days, I feel like I don’t deserve His unconditional love. My mistakes and life choices make it hard to believe that He could love someone like me. Yes, I know he’s an ever-loving God, but it seems like I’m an ever-undeserving human. It’s hard to accept that a God so perfect could love someone so imperfect, like me.
Some days, I feel like I am not worthy enough to be in His presence. I see the weight of my shortcomings and I see this wide gap between where God stands and where I stand. It’s in these moments that doubt starts to creep in, telling me that I am not enough and that I can never be enough. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t bring myself to go to church today and maybe that’s why I’m not so hyped about completing FBS (Foundation Bible School) anymore.
Some days, I forget that God doesn’t judge me and that whenever I remember certain stuff, it’s because the devil (the accuser) wants me to, not because God remembers it. I forget that His grace covers me and that His love is not based on my performance but on His character. The devil loves to remind me of my past and bring up old sins and mistakes because he wants to separate me from God’s love. It’s his way of breaking my fellowship with God.
Today, I don’t feel like a Christian. My faith feels weak, my spirit feels tired, and I question my identity in Christ. But feelings are not the foundation of my faith; the Word is.
On days like today, I need to remind myself that being a Christian means that I am perfect in Christ and that I am the redeemed of God. I need to remember that when God sees me, he sees perfection. I need to remind myself that my worth is found in Him, not in what I do. It’s about trusting that His forgiveness is forever, His love is without conditions, and that I carry God’s presence wherever I go. Yes, I am Eden, the city of God.
When I feel like a stain on God’s white, I need to remember that He sees me through the Cross. When I feel unworthy, I need to remember that He thought I was worth dying for and He died for me. When I feel distant, I need to remember that He didn’t move an inch; I was the one who moved away from Him.
I need to remember: Romans 5:8 NKJV “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
I wrote this while listening to Unstoppable Love by Kim Walker-Smith.
What should I do when I don’t feel Christian enough? You can read it here
