July 2024: The Love of My Life Would Not Treat Me This Way
July flew by — at least, it did until my final exams ended on the 27th. Since then, time has seemed to crawl. It’s hard to believe that the first month of the second half of the year is already over. We’re about to enter that period where we start questioning, “What am I doing with my life?” But let’s not get caught up in that. There’s still plenty of time to read those books, start that course, stay consistent, and more. It’s okay to get distracted; we’re all human.
You might be wondering why I’m talking about the year speeding by when the title suggests something entirely different. I’m sorry if I digressed, but maybe this reflection is meant for someone in particular.
Before I talk about the headline, let me give you a quick rundown of July. Welcome to my July wrap-up! Not much happened this month, except that I graduated from university. Yes, I finished my final exams as an undergraduate. I don’t have much more to say about it because I already wrote a post about it, which you can read here.
I made my sign-out t-shirt in black, and the reason is that I’m not exactly excited to be leaving school after almost six years studying for a four-year course. Where’s the joy? I’m just relieved that it’s over. I wrote down the names of people who were kind to me at different points in my life, even when they didn’t have to be, and their kindness was instrumental in helping me achieve my BSc. These people aren’t necessarily my friends; in fact, most of them aren’t. But I’m forever grateful to them. Dear friends, I love and appreciate you too 💕.
Now to the title of the story: Have you ever liked someone so much that when they do something random, you remind yourself that the love of your life wouldn’t treat you that way? I’m not saying these people are bad, but sometimes when we like someone, we hope they like us back, and that hope can blur our judgment. For example, I had a crush on someone and secretly wished he liked me too. We talk often, but there are certain things he does that constantly remind me that this person isn’t the love of my life. I’ve liked people who liked me back, and I’ve also met people who liked me, but I didn’t feel the same way. I know how they treated me and how I treated them, and this just isn’t it. The truth is, they didn’t do anything wrong; you’re just hurt because you’ve had high expectations.
When I like someone, I always want to talk to them, so when I’m busy, I tell them I’ll talk to them later. I always look forward to that “later.” I can never forget. I remember this person promising to call back a couple of times on different days, but did he? No. Did I look forward to it? Yes. Will the love of my life treat me like that? No. But does that make this guy a bad person? No. It’s up to me to see this, do the needful, and step back on the expectations.
Oh, yes! There’s another instance. I once tried to talk to him about something, and for me, when I like someone, I’m interested in their well-being. I want to know how they are doing and how I can help. I also want to have the right words for whatever situation — although, I don’t have to like you to be interested in your well being. So when I tried to talk to him, he gave me a one-word response and didn’t even let me finish talking. I was like “Ahan! Na so Una dey do for here?” I took it as another cue to come to my senses. See, when you like someone, it’s always very easy to know if they like you back; the problem is that you’re trying to hold on to their potential.
There was another time when I wanted to open up to him about something personal, something that really mattered to me. I was feeling vulnerable and hoped he’d offer some words of encouragement (PS: that’s my primary love language). Instead, he just brushed it off with a joke and said I’ll figure it out. It made me feel like my emotions didn’t matter. The love of my life would listen and try to understand, even if they didn’t have all the right words. This reaction just reminded me again that he wasn’t as emotionally invested as I was. And yes, that doesn’t make him a bad person. And yes, that was the first and last time I ever tried to talk to him about something personal.
I also remember a time when he suggested we should meet up. I was really looking forward to it because, when I like someone, spending time together is important to me. I thought it would be a great chance to connect and have a meaningful conversation. But guess what? He didn’t respond to my messages the entire day. You’re probably thinking he apologized, right? No, my friends. He texted me later, as if nothing had happened. Maybe he didn’t even remember, or maybe the message wasn’t meant for me. It was a disappointing moment that made me realize that the love of my life would never do this.
He’s not the love of my life, and that’s okay. What is not okay is if I don’t come to my senses and keep holding on to his potential. Lol. I’m loved at home, please.
I’m old enough to know that if someone is genuinely interested in me, they’ll be looking forward to talking to me as I am to them. I’ve seen how people behave when they’re in love or attracted to someone; they go out of their way to be with the person they care about. So, when I noticed those actions were missing, it was a clear signal to adjust my feelings accordingly. We still have a cordial friendship, though.
Learn to pay attention to people’s actions and not just their words. When someone really cares about you, you can see it in their actions and how they treat you. If you feel overlooked or unimportant, it’s a sign to wake up and let go of any wishful thinking. It’s better to stop having expectations than to keep hanging on to a potential that may never happen.
Have you ever been in a situation where you had to remind yourself that the love of your life would not treat you the way someone you liked did? Please indulge me.
Another thing that happened in July was that I completed my Foundation Bible School (FBS) classes. That’s good news, but the not-so-good news is that I was assigned to the evangelism ministry. Ah! That’s the exact reason why I left my former church in the first place. What do you mean by evangelism ministry? I still get PTSD thinking about the experience at my former church. I wrote about that experience here. Anyway, I’m not so sure how I feel about this. And no, I don’t think this is a sign from God. God wouldn’t put me back in a position that scarred me, right?
Another thing that happened in July? I’m currently searching for a new job—specifically, an audit role. I’m confident I’ll find one soon.
Thank you for reading my July roundup! See you in August 🤭❤️.
