September 2024: In My Corporate Lagos Girl Era
I don’t like the Third Mainland Bridge in Lagos. Every time I’m on that bridge, I get this irrational fear that I might fall into the water — even though I’m always in a moving vehicle. It’s not like I’m walking on the bridge, so I honestly don’t understand why I get so scared.
So, one time, I was in a bus passing the bridge, and I started to panic. There was this cute guy sitting beside me, and I think he noticed my anxiety because he gently tapped me, held my hand, placed my head on his shoulder, and said, “Don’t worry, we’ll be off this bridge soon.” For a moment, I felt safe… until I opened my eyes and remembered—nah, guys, that didn’t happen. 😂 I mean, of all the things that didn’t happen, this didn’t happen the most, lol. Because why on earth would I let a complete stranger hold me? No way
Now, let’s talk about the real things that happened...
Last month, I begged you not to come to Lagos. I’m saying it again; please don’t. Here’s why…
September 2, 2024:
I left home at 6:45 a.m., heading to work in Ikoyi. I stood at the bus stop for 20 minutes, waiting for a bus. The first one came, and I watched in disbelief as people struggled to squeeze inside. I thought there’s no way I’m joining that battle. I mean, with all my “steeze” and aura? Never. But then the second bus arrived, and guess who joined the struggle? Well, I wouldn’t say I struggled — I was just smart about it. Even the passengers complimented me, calling me “smart girl.” So, Lagos is rubbing off on me already? 😭
Then there’s the transportation cost — chai! I spent what would have lasted me a month back in Ile-Ife in just two days here! How does that even make sense? To make things worse, I missed my road again. Every time I step out in Lagos, I get lost! It took me another 20 minutes to find my way, with all my steeze and all. Lagos will humble you.
September 3, 2024:
The day started off fine, but then the bus I boarded to Obalende dropped me at a random spot. I stood there like, “Excuse me, sir, where am I?” I had no choice but to use my “steeze” to trek till I found my way to Obalende. 😭 Let’s not even talk about the 30-minute queue I had to endure just to catch a cab to the office. Lagos is not for the faint-hearted. By the way, can we all agree that the spelling of “queue” is unnecessary? It should just be “kiu,” abeg.
Transport prices were even higher today than yesterday! Lagos is not real o because tell me why a masquerade actually begged me for money — with a cane? I was scared he’d flog me if I didn’t give him anything, but luckily, he didn’t touch me because, me gan, I am a Masquerade in my hometown. Don’t play.
September (I have lost track), 2024:
Oh, and there was a time I went to Eko Market? Sigh. I suffered. Thank God my brother was with me because, I swear, I was this close to sitting down on the market floor and crying. The big mistake I made was not bringing enough cash. So I was making transfers, and if you know Eko Market, you know that network vanishes there like magic. I made a transfer to a woman after buying something, but the money didn’t go through even though my bank had already debited me. Guys, this woman chased me! 😂 People gathered around, and they even turned on their hotspots for me and waited for my bank to reverse the money so I could do the transfer again. I was so frustrated, I swore I’d never go to Lagos Island Market on my own again.
One day, we had a client engagement, and when it was time for lunch, we headed to a restaurant in Lekki. We saw a price slash and thought, yes, an affordable lunch. They advertised rice for ₦300, so we went inside. The place was so fancy that deep down in my mind, I was wondering why they would sell their food at such cheap prices, but when they brought the bill, the rice was ₦1,500 per spoon! 😂 How now?! We bought it anyway, and to be honest, it tasted great. The only downside was the owner of the restaurant — super rude. He wasn’t rude to me, though, but I saw how he treated the people I went with, and I’m never going back before his rudeness will extend to me because I am always quick to hang my home training like Agbada. Just kidding.
Then, there was another time that I boarded a bus home and it started smoking — I mean, smoke was coming out from inside the bus! We hadn’t even gotten to the Third Mainland Bridge yet, and everyone on the bus was in prayer mode, hoping it wouldn’t catch fire while on the bridge. I swear, that bridge felt like it was 10 times longer than usual that day. It was not a funny experience 😩
I even considered using Shuttlers to get to work after all the drama with commercial buses in Lagos. But guess what? Just when I thought I had found a solution, I got a notification that they were increasing their fares! Ahan nau, they didn’t even consider me. 😭 For those who don’t know, Shuttlers is a ride-sharing platform, kind of like Uber, but with buses that take you to specific routes around Lagos.
During my second week, I was heading to work on a Monday morning when LASTMA (traffic officials) stopped and arrested the bus I boarded. Omoo, there are plenty of words inside the book of Kobo (read in Yoruba). Lagos has a whole book of “shege” written in its name. I swear, this city will not be the end of me.
And how can I forget the day a 3-minute journey turned into 1 hour because of traffic? People were literally alighting and trekking like it was a marathon. Lagos traffic is a movie.
Oh, and let me not forget one day that it rained when I sat near the bus door. It started pouring, and I got drenched from head to toe. To make things worse, I was wearing a white top, so you can guess how that went.🙈 Thank God, I had a sweatshirt with me, but I’m not sure it did much to save my dignity sha. And that same morning, I witnessed a woman get off the same bus that I was in on the Third Mainland Bridge to, um, ease herself. Yes, on the expressway. Someone once said that nearly everyone in Lagos is mad, and honestly, I’m starting to agree.
Lagos is crazy o! You guys, I saw a lot in this past month. For someone who grew up in Lagos, this one shock me
So, yeah, that’s my Lagos life in a nutshell. How am I doing? Well, I’m surviving. But Lagos? it’s chaotic.
How was September for you?
