Maybe friendships are not meant to last forever.
I’m writing this in advance because I’m about to make a decision that will likely end one of my long-standing friendships. After analyzing everything, I’m 98% sure this will lead to the end—maybe not instantly, but it certainly will. Honestly, it should have ended sooner, but I was too fond of and attached to my friend. The thought of ending it scared me. I wondered where I would start and what would happen to all we’d been through together. It was the sunk cost fallacy—I felt we had invested too much for it not to last a lifetime.
I’m beginning to understand that not all friendships are meant to last forever. Maybe they’re meant to cross our paths when we need each other the most. I realize now that I took too long to decide this; it should have ended five years ago. Even when I had the chance to do so two years ago, I crawled back to the friendship.
This friendship no longer serves me. It’s reached a point where I now want to prioritize pleasing my friend over my own happiness. I might be letting God down by not ending it. This friendship is draining me emotionally and spiritually. While I have a lot to lose if it ends, I can’t keep losing myself just to avoid losing them.
How do I feel?
Sad. I’m going to miss my friend. We haven’t even had enough time to create many memories together. I’m going to miss us. I’m going to miss talking about my friend; I think people will notice. They will, because every chance I get, I’m always talking about my friend. My friend is an amazing person, and I think that’s the problem. I tell myself this person is good, even when they’re hurting me. I keep making excuses.
People don’t change, but I was really hoping my friend would. I was hoping we would be on the same page on certain things that affect our friendship. I’m realizing now that the more I’m friends with this person, the more I convince myself to want what they want, even though I don’t want those things.
Yes, love and friendships come with a lot of compromises, but there are certain things I don’t ever want to compromise on. I can’t. I just can’t.
I took a two-day break from social media just so we wouldn’t be in communication. During those two days, I had a lot of time to rethink everything. I realized how much I was changing just to fit into their lifestyle and how much of myself I was losing in the process. I remembered who I was before I became too attached to this friendship, and I missed that person. I missed the days when I didn’t feel this constant pressure to be someone I’m not. This friendship is no longer God’s plan for me. I have tried to pray it into God’s plan; I have tried to be logical about it; I know so well that there’s nothing I can do to change this person.
It’s not easy to admit that a friendship has become manipulative. It’s even harder to take the right steps to end it. But I know now that I have to do this.
My friend is a good person, I swear. My friend is everything anyone would ever ask for in a friend. My friend is just not the right person for me, and I wish there was something I could do to change this. I don’t know how fast the friendship will die yet—maybe slowly—but one thing is sure: we’re going to become strangers again. The thought of that alone is driving me insane.
Why am I writing this?
I want to stand by my decision. I am writing this because I don’t want to go back on my word. I don’t want to make compromises that I will regret. I am writing this so that when I have THE conversation with my friend, nothing changes my mind. I’m writing this to remind myself of the reasons why this is necessary. I know how easy it is to forget the frustration that brought me to this point. I need to hold on to my resolve. I need to remember not to seek closure.
I’m preparing myself for the fallout. I know it won’t be simple or painless. I am going to regret this one, but deep down, I know this is the right decision.
I know it will be hard, and I might feel the urge to reach out and try to mend things. But I must resist that temptation. I must remember that every compromise I’ve made in the past has led me to this point. Writing this down is my way of solidifying my commitment to myself—to keep me accountable for my decisions.
Maybe some friendships are not meant to last forever, and that’s okay…
