January 2024: There’s a new boy now, and I think I like him a lot.
Oh, I’m sorry. This story is not entirely about a boy, but there’s actually a new boy.
January started really calm and chaotic at the same time for me. I had too many experiences that I don’t want to talk about. especially the chaos, but there is still chaos, yes. What’s more important is that I have joy in the chaos, and there’s this inexplicable peace. It makes no sense, for real. “Hey Google, play me Firm Foundation by Maverick City Music.”
I read a letter I wrote to myself in 2023 and it made me cry. See, 2023 is the year I thought I’d die. I even did a photoshoot in the first quarter so that when I die people will post a fine picture of me. I’m sorry but I still want to look good, even in death. Did I die? well, the fact that I read the letter and I’m even making this post already answers that question.
I made new friends. Speaking of new friends, I mean, I now have new flatmates. There’s a way God answers prayers, and I must say, my new flatmates are answered prayers for me. David and David—that’s their names. I remember telling my friends that I have new flatmates, and they’re so cool and cute. One of my friends even had to remind me that I’ve told her the same thing like 3 million times. It’s been a month of living in the same flat, and it has been fun and relaxing at the same time. It’s fun because I love the conversations we usually have in the reading room—the jokes, the gist about how the day went, and all.
David is a medical student, and I’ve learned a little bit about Cadavers in Anatomy from one of our random gist. Cadavers are dead bodies that are being used for practical. Whew. Many times, I’ve had to think that these Cadavers were once alive, and they never for once thought that in their deaths, their bodies would be used for anatomy practical by medical students. What if I end up as a cadaver too? I won’t even know; I’d be dead. I was in church the other day, and the pastor gave an illustration using Cadavers, and it made sense because I’d heard about them from David. He’s very brilliant, that boy.
David is a civil engineering student, and he knows how to cook! God, when? I think he likes to cook too, but I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll ask. I should probably ask him more about civil engineering. I remember when he just moved in and I had soldier ants in my room. David texted me later in the day to ask how I was doing and if I had been able to chase the ants away. Such a kind guy. David is brilliant too. David once told me that I’m a good person; it made me believe I actually am. I can’t even remember why he said it; all I know is that he did. Nice, right? 🫠
It’s relaxing because they’re both nice people. I can’t imagine living with mean people. I’m the only one allowed to be wicked 👽👀.
I went to church. I went to church every Sunday in January. This isn’t even something that I should boast about, but I will. I will, because I love how uncomfortable the thought of staying at home on Sunday mornings is for me now. I love how I always look forward to Sundays. I love how I always take time to plan my outfits because, why not? I love how I don’t see it as a usual routine but as another opportunity to learn from God’s servant. It’s not just Sunday services, I didn’t miss Wednesday Bible study too. I actually love Bible studies. I love it a little too much. On two occasions, I’ve felt like I should join the Foundation Bible School in my church because, really, that’s what makes me an active member. That’s the way I’ll be a part of the service and not just be a dedicated bench warmer, but I also feel I should take things slow. I don’t want to make the same mistakes I made before.
There we go, the fear of the unknown, again.
It’s like I’ll continue my ICAN examination this year. It has been on hold for about 3 years, and I finally feel like it’s time. No, I’ve always felt like it’s time; situations just didn’t allow. I started tutorials, and I’m not going to lie; I’m beginning to doubt myself, but it’s okay; I trust God.
Work was so stressful this month. I was under a lot of pressure and I had so many deadlines. I can’t count the number of times I told my friends that I wanted to run away because work choked me. I just want to be a baby girl. Despite all that, I got nice feedback from my boss and I’m loving my job. I love how it’s making me want to be a better person in my career.
There’s this boy I really like. When it comes to liking boys, call me a goat. I wrote about how my delusions broke my heart last year, and here I am again, catching feelings. My friends are tired of me already. Like, bro, it’s just January! What do you mean you like a new boy????
This new boy is very, very cute, and he has a beautiful voice. One of the most beautiful voices I’ve ever heard. I love talking to him. Once again, I love the feeling of having someone to think about all day long. I love how excited I get when I give him details of how my day went, and how he’d tell me what’s up with him too. Thinking about him is one of the things I do to de-stress; it’s so soothing. Please don’t call me a finished woman but any slight chance I get, I’m already talking about him with my friends.
I’ve had to tell myself, “Esther Oluwaseyi, is this what you should be doing with your life? See the state of the economy; is this the right time to be catching feelings? See all the things you’re set to achieve this year. Is this the time to let the thoughts of one boy get into your head? I’m tired of you.” Then I’ll go ahead and listen to all the voice notes he sent to me because he was not online and I miss him. Ah! A finished woman, indeed.
Anyway, I’m adding this new boy to my prayers because he’s the one I want to marry. If you’re reading this, add us to your prayers too. This love must boom on both ends. I think lilac and purple will make a good color combination for our wedding or should we do black and gold? I’ve also imagined how beautiful our sons will be. OMG, we’ll make beautiful babies! Perfect kids. God, when? He has a nice surname; even though my present surname is better, I don’t mind compromising. Isn’t love all about compromise? What’s a surname that I can’t overlook? One of my friends recently asked me where I see myself in two years, and without thinking, I said, “Marrying Xyzzy” My friend said I should calm down. That’s the problem; I can’t calm down, even if I want to, until I hurt myself with my delusions. Does the boy know I like him? Of course not.
I made a big mistake this month. One that will probably give me a brain reset for a long time. Sometimes, I forget who I am, and I don’t like the fact that I have to make mistakes to learn from the experience, but it is what it is. What is past is past, and even if I don’t like what has happened in the past, I can’t dwell on it. I have to forge ahead and move on. Erm… I think I sounded like Socrates right there 🤭.
My biggest lesson this month? Never say never, you’ve just not stayed around it long enough to say it can never be you.
