I don’t want to get married.
Relax, I have my reasons
Just to clarify, it’s not because someone broke my heart. In fact, until a year ago, I’d never even pictured myself as someone who would get married.
I didn’t have a blueprint for what a happy marriage could look like. My parents’ relationship was far from ideal—it was dysfunctional, tense, and almost without affection. I’ve always had this nagging fear that I might not have a happy marriage either.
I never saw my parents show love for each other, which makes it all the more surprising that I’m such an expressive person whenever I care about someone. Where did that come from? It’s funny because I always thought the way we love was shaped by the love we witnessed growing up. But in my case, it’s like I’ve defied that expectation. Maybe it’s because I’ve always longed for the kind of love I didn’t see growing up, or maybe it’s just who I am.
I started settling their fight when I was just 9 years old, and nearly 15 years later, I’m still playing the peacemaker—even though they’re no longer together. Sometimes, I wondered if they had me and my siblings through Osmosis 😂.
I have always wondered what went wrong between them? Why do I have to settle fights every market day? Why can’t everyone just be at peace? Did these people even love each other at all? Did they get married out of infatuation and emotional outbursts? Marriage requires a whole lot, and thinking about everything now, they probably didn’t know what they were getting into. Maybe they expected a smooth ride. I don’t know.
When they finally separated, I cried. I cried because I had tried so hard to keep them together. I just remembered a time in church when we had a family Sunday, but I was there alone. I watched other families sitting close and having a family dance. And there I was, alone.
I realize now that even though I didn’t plan to get married because my parents’ marriage didn’t work out, which might be valid, there are thousands of other marriages out there that do. So why am I using my parents’ marriage as a benchmark? I’ve never been that kid who looked up to her parents, so why should their failed marriage dictate my opinion about my own marriage?
I’m retraining my thoughts to remind myself that, although I may have come from a broken home, I have all it takes to chart the course of my own life. I can have a beautiful marriage. I can experience all the good things; they will last and they will stay.
I’ve spent so many years thinking that my parents’ failed marriage meant I was bound to repeat their mistakes. But the more I think about it now, the more I realize that their story doesn’t define mine. I’ve seen what doesn’t work, and somehow, I know better.
Whether or not I choose to get married, I know that I have what it takes to shape my own marriage.
Till then, I’ll keep learning, healing, and purging whatever I might have internalized from my parents.
Thank you for taking time to read ♥️
